When I Realized I Couldn’t Explain My Feelings!

By Alisia — Founder of The Ekklesia Women | Certified Christian Relationship Coach

Have you ever tried to explain how you felt, only to find the words just wouldn’t come out?

"I thought I knew myself… until marriage revealed a part of me I didn’t even realize was broken. I could love deeply, but when it came time to express my feelings, the words just wouldn’t come. What I didn’t know was that God was about to use my husband’s patience to heal a fear I didn’t even know I had."

I remember when I first got married, I quickly realized something—marriage is a divine tool God often uses to reveal hidden areas in our lives so He can shape us into a healthy, Christ-centered union.

It was just a couple of weeks after James and I had tied the knot. Being the intentional and caring husband he is, James didn’t just want to know my favorite food or the songs I liked—he wanted to know me. The real me. The core of who I am.

One Sunday morning, as we were getting ready for church, I began to share something about my past. James, being so intentional, started asking questions for clarity. But then, I suddenly realized something: I couldn’t explain my feelings.

I knew what I wanted to say, but when I opened my mouth… nothing came out the way I wanted. It was as if there was a wall between my thoughts and my words. I had never noticed this about myself before marriage.

Sis, I won’t lie—I felt embarrassed. How could I not express myself to my own husband? The more patient and loving he was, the more exposed I felt. My mind began to spiral: “Oh my God, he’s going to leave me. He’s going to think something is wrong with me.”

When I asked James why he was being so loving in that moment, he said something that broke me—in the best way:

“Because I was the same way, and God delivered me.”

He explained that what I was dealing with was fear—fear of vulnerability, fear of being misunderstood, fear of being judged. Then he said,

“When I say I see myself in you, I don’t just mean the good things. I mean even the strongholds. I can’t judge you because God showed me mercy, so I have to show you the same mercy.”

In that moment, I whispered, “God, thank You.” Because only God could give me a man who saw my flaws and chose to love me more, not less. Only God gives gifts this good (James 1:17).

And then it hit me—I’m not alone. There are so many of us who struggle to communicate our emotions because of fear. But marriage, when rooted in Christ, is a safe space for God to break those chains.

What God Taught Me

The way James responded to me was the same way God responds to us. He is patient (1 Corinthians 13:4). He listens. He shows mercy instead of judgment (Micah 7:18). And just as God is with us in our weakness, He calls us to be that way with our spouse.

That kind of patience builds trust. That kind of love creates a powerful bond. And that kind of grace turns a marriage into holy ground.

Scriptures to Meditate On

• 1 John 4:18 – “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear…”

• Ephesians 4:2 – “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.”

• Colossians 3:13 – “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance… Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”

• Proverbs 18:13 – “To answer before listening— that is folly and shame.”

Reflection Questions

1. Are there emotions or experiences you struggle to express to your spouse or loved ones? Why do you think that is?

2. How does fear affect the way you communicate in relationships?

3. When was the last time you extended patience and mercy the way God has shown you?

4. How can you create a safe space for open and honest communication in your relationships?

5. 
   

   

   
   

A Healing Prayer

Heavenly Father,I come before You with a heart that longs to be free from fear and guardedness. You are the One who knows me completely, yet loves me perfectly. Lord, heal the places in me that have been silenced by fear. Tear down the walls that keep me from expressing my heart.

Thank You for placing people in my life—especially my spouse—who reflect Your patience, kindness, and mercy. Teach me to listen as You listen. Teach me to love as You love. Let my marriage be a safe place where truth is spoken, hearts are healed, and Your presence dwells.

I break agreement with every spirit of fear, shame, and rejection. I receive Your peace and courage to speak my truth in love. Thank You, Lord, for making me whole.In Jesus’ name, Amen.

And if you’re ready to go deeper, book me as yourCertified Christian Relationship Coach—let’s walk this journey together!