“The Power of saying “No”: While Waiting on Your Kingdom Husband”

By Alisia Cooper – Founder of The Ekklesia Women | Certified Christian Relationship Coach,

When I stepped into my very first relationship, I truly thought I knew what I was doing. Looking back now, I realize I was gullible, jealous, angry, and driven by emotions I couldn’t control. I didn’t understand myself, and I definitely didn’t understand God’s design for relationships.

But now, walking in a fruitful relationship with the Holy Spirit, I see things differently. He’s been teaching me the priceless gift of self-control.

What is Self-Control?

Self-control is not just willpower—it’s the inner strength that comes from the Holy Spirit to master our desires and submit them to God.

The Word of God says:

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.”— Galatians 5:22–23 (ESV)

The Greek word for self-control, “egkrateia”, means the inward strength to bring all appetites, desires, and actions under the Spirit’s control.

Sis, this blessed me so much! Because back then, I had no inner strength at all. I was weak in every area, chasing relationships that left me empty. No wonder I was miserable haha ~I was trying to satisfy my flesh without surrendering my heart to God.

Why “No” is a Holy Word?

Self-control also means resisting temptation. It’s the ability to say “No” to the impulses of the flesh, and “Yes” to the leading of the Spirit.

“For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age.”— Titus 2:11–12 (ESV)

Sis, since meeting Jesus, “No” has become one of my favorite words. I used to be such a pushover—especially with family. If they said jump, I’d ask, “How high?” I was always seeking acceptance, and that bled into my romantic relationships too.

But here’s the truth: Saying “No” is an act of self-respect. It sets healthy boundaries, protects our hearts, preserves our time, and honors God.

Kingdom Husbands and Godly Standards

Ladies, as we wait for our Kingdom Husbands, boundaries are not optional—they’re essential.

If a man is truly sent by God, he will be looking 👀for a woman with godly standards—one who is first submitted to God. A godly man is drawn to a woman who honors herself because she honors God.

Remember:

“He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.”— Proverbs 18:22 (NIV)

Notice it doesn’t say “he who finds a girlfriend”—but a wife. That means we must already be living as wives in character, integrity, and godliness before he finds us.

If we can’t say “No” to temptation, people-pleasing, or fleshly desires, then we’re not yet ready for marriage. Without boundaries, we’ll keep wandering like the children of Israel—going in circles, repeating the same mistakes.

But with boundaries and Spirit-led self-control, we’re prepared for the promise.

Reflective Questions for You

Sis, let’s pause and reflect:

1. Do you find it hard to say “No” because you’re afraid of disappointing people?

2. Have you ever compromised your values just to feel accepted in a relationship?

3. What boundaries do you need to set today that will honor God and prepare you for your Kingdom Husband?

4. How can you practice self-control daily as a daughter of the King?

   Drop your answers in the comments below—I’d love to hear your heart.

Closing Prayer

Father, thank You for teaching us the power of saying “No.” We repent for the times we’ve sought acceptance outside of You. Give us the courage and self-control to set healthy boundaries that honor You and protect our hearts. Lord, help us to walk as women of integrity, prepared for the godly marriages You have for us. Shape us into wives of noble character like Ruth and women of wisdom like Esther. May our “No” to the world always be a “Yes” to You. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

If this spoke to you, share it with a sister who needs encouragement. Together, let’s rise as women of self-control, dignity, and purpose.

Sis, now it’s your turn!

Have you struggled with saying “No” in relationships, friendships, or even with family? What boundaries is God asking you to set today?

Drop your thoughts in the comments below—I’d love to hear your story.

Share this blog with a sister who needs this reminder.

And if you’re ready to go deeper! Book a one-on-one session with me to

start your journey of healing, boundaries, and preparation for your Kingdom marriage.

Let’s grow together daughter of God.